The worst feeling is when you notice the signs that your friendship is over - gone - ended.
Maybe the sign you’re seeing is not being invited to the parties or the wedding. Maybe the sign is when you send text messages, emails, voice messages and they get ‘read’ but no reply - or even worse, you no longer see any of their social media posts and you’re completely in the dark... on the blocked list.
SO what went wrong? When you know you’ve done nothing wrong.
You always sent positive words of encouragement when there’s problems in her life. In fact, you’ve always been THE listening ear and never said anything hurtful, even on days you needed to vent - you took the latter. You remembered special dates and occasions (even took time to post a special ‘in feed’ post to celebrate). And always done your best at being ‘there’ for your best friend even with the 700 mile distance and the busy lifestyle of being a parent.
That is why I know I was not the problem. I was doing the best I possibly could in the busy life of a 30 something year old. My Ex Best Friend was the problem.
My Ex best friend is the one reading the messages of concern but refusing to reply. My Ex best friend is the one who unfollowed my social pages. My ex best friend is the one who’s NOT explaining what is wrong. Even after sending messages saying “I’m sorry if I did something wrong. Let me know what has happened and if I can make it right” "I'm sorry if there's been times I haven't texted you back immediately... Life with Holly right now has been complicated, just let me know what I can do to be better?" - when that goes read with no reply…. That shows me that SHE’S the one who has decided to not want the friendship anymore AKA: It's not me, its her.
I reached out to a friend who has no connection with her and in fact, him and I recently became friends and are still getting to know each other via WhatApp as penpals. He's thousands of miles away and I felt his input and thoughts about the situation might help open my eyes to something I'm missing.When I told him about the sadness, confusion, and hurt I was feeling - he said:
“Sometimes friends change. And seeing it like this, the distance happens.”.
I also told him I had reached out on multiple outlets (social media & outside of social media) cause I’m not sure if I did anything wrong. I personally felt I did everything to the best of my abilities. And still, no reply - which he then stated:
“Life is made of cycles one closes and another opens! Some for the better and some worse - the important thing is not to harm anyone and always be honest. If people disappear its because there’s some internal reason and we can’t be sad and move forward in life”.
After doing some deep reflection I believe I did all I could in the friendship/relationship. At the end of the day I know my life and where I’m at (from work, relationships, dreams and goals) doesn’t align 100% with hers; and maybe these differences became too much? I know at times she felt she was on a different level than me and probably at times felt un-relatable to me. I tried my best and that’s all I can say. I know I did good and I know I will continue to do good. I have no hate, no negative feelings, no negative opinions about her. All I want is for her to grow into the person she dreams of becoming and always do good to others. I hope the next best friend that replaces me sees how amazing of a person she is, treats her well, and sees the beautiful person I saw in her.
I wish I didn't lose my friend of 14 years. But the chapter is over.
Anyways, I wanted to make this post to let anyone know who is going through a loss of a friendship that you’re not alone. If you done all you could do and still the friendship ended - its okay. It’s a chapter that is being closed and it’s now you're time to open a new chapter.
Best, Britt
